Healing Powers

Everything still leads back to you and the silence was hurting me. I could lay everything out on the table starting with pain, I could lay the broken shattered heart out too. Them moments when I simply don’t feel like dealing with you, the lies and tears too. I could put it all on the table for you, especially those moments I hated you. You broke promises to me and simply had no remorse at all, you broke trust when you betrayed me more than once. I still hear the words oh you simply love him, and fact is I loved you way past all the flaws. I am that real life story of when love wins, I am that real life story of loving deeply from your soul and heart.. That kind of love that conquers all especially the bad times, that love that over powers the indifference I have endured because of you. Like the more than one occasion of brokenness because of you, the dealing with the after effects of hate, jealousy, and resentment from those that don’t know me.. And it is all because of the jealousy they have when it comes to you, it still hunts me to this day. And it all starts with you and the many words of betrayal spoken by you, I literally have to pray for strength just to get through.

Wondering will the day ever come when my heart and soul is clean, and renewed from the shattered pieces of you. Healing Powers I reach to the Heavens for you, I reach to you for strength, courage, wisdom, and endurance to live. To live my best life without you no longer being there, I learned in the process it isn’t me and all you. You cannot make a person see the good in you and the Love, you cannot make a person receive it either. You cannot make a person open up their broken heart, you cannot make a person stop hurting you. You can simply remove anything toxic, anything that’s not healthy for you. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you, and to let them understand the true depths of your worth. Sometimes you simply have to walk away and no longer deal with them, knowing yes you could rip them a part by letting them know how badly they hurt you. But, that won’t do any good at all for you especially when you genuinely love them. Especially when you would do anything to protect him, even if that means looking like the bad one and living without that genuine I am sorry I know I hurt you.

Dear #Women sometimes you will feel like the wait of the world is on your shoulders, and about 70% of the time it will be behind a selfish man. But never allow the actions of any selfish person to stop your growth, keep going and keep knowing The Highest Power has you protected. Let go of the #hate because it will only block your blessings, and no one is worth your blessings being put on hold. The best way I can put this is make room for #healing , and simply be HEALED!!!!!

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If I could talk to you.

If I could sit down and talk to you face to face here is what I would say.

I would lay everything out on the table beginning with no lies from both sides and all honesty. I would look you in your eyes, and ask you to promise me no more lies.

Let’s begin: You hurt me, I know you remember our conversation that went like this. I don’t trust people and I find it hard to trust them, because anyone I love(d) has always found a way to hurt me and let me down. And you told me you would never allow anyone to come between us, you said any time I ever needed you that you would be one call of way. And if you didn’t answer quickly, you would return my call asap. You always did exactly that and more, I remember one time I couldn’t stop crying. In fact this night I was positive I wouldn’t see the morning, I was so broken from a heavy pain I lost for a moment the memory of who I was. But you called me and talked to me, and told me how you believed in me. You reminded me of what I forgot for a moment, and said I was stronger than that. You said I shall live and not die, you said I had to fight for my better. You always had a way of pushing me, to be the best and a stronger me. You where my friend and someone I trusted, and helped save my life.

You broke my heart: I knew I was meant to share a bond with you, it’s basically like I had been knowing you forever. The love I had for you was like none other, it was a genuine love deep from my soul. I was loyal, I was respectful, I was honest, and most of all a real friend. The day that all got taken away because you let other’s in, was the day my heart ached so bad. It was a pain so deep, I could barely breathe. A pain so hard it left me lifeless without a care, I wasn’t even myself anymore.

You broke trust: You betrayed me on more than one occasion, but yet I still loved you. Yet I still honored you, yet I still trusted you. I need you to know the love I had for you, that love will never be duplicated. That’s a one of a kind love that went through the storm, and even when I was loyal to you and you stopped being loyal to me. I kept in my heart the beginning, and everything you said. I kept in my heart I knew you loved me, and just didn’t know how to deal with the jealousy of others when they asked why me.

And even when you painted this picture like it was all me, when fact is a woman will only react to what she receive. I went through a moment of hating you and for betraying me, I went through a moment of hate and hurt. When you started to treat me badly and others around better than me. I went through a moment of hate when I know for a fact, you started to have my name in your mouth negatively. I went through a moment of hate when you broke your promise, when you started to have them look/treat me rudely. You promised me that it was not you, and you weren’t back biting. But my heart says other wise and it never lies to me, in fact if I followed my heart many times and listened to my gut. Truth is it would saved me from a lot of heartbreak/pain.

Now: Here it is now when I can finally reach a true place of healing, a true place of acceptance. Of knowing it wasn’t me and it was all you, your broken promises cost me a great deal of pain. Made me look like I was a bad person and I was ok with that, I was ok with anything if it meant protecting you. I know in the end love won over hate, and exactly how I knew I genuinely loved you. I looked past your flaws to remember the good, I looked past the broken promises, judgement, indifference, and hurt. I looked past it all and went back to the beginning of THE ONE, the one I genuinely know over the person in the end. That kind, loving, thoughtful, funny, selfless, amazing beautiful soul. The one that regardless of the wrong and hurt, I would go to war for. I would hurt anyone over if they hurt you in any kind of way, some would say I am stupid. When fact is I am just real, I know when something is meant. And fact is I was meant to love you for real, and with healing after the pain. I know I was meant to love you regardless, in spite of our differences. I hand true forgiveness to you, it’s not for you it is genuinely for me. That last part of healing to move on completely, thank you for the good and the bad.

Side note: No one but me knows how recent this was, I write from past and press to help those who maybe dealing or still dealing with a similar situation.

Workplace Emotional Abuse(The Voice and voices from inside Walmart) 

A person who works for a living should be able to go to work and serve the people without dealing with drama inside the workplace. I have seen people in management bring their troubles in the door, and take their frustrations out on the workers. So why would anyone like me walk around smiling 24/7 when the negative energy of a manager has caught my attention? Rather people believe it aren’t vibes are felt and very much contagious no matter how hard you try, to not let the negative energy rub off on you. It can literally suck you dry and drain you’re spirit but yet they want you to smile 24/7, and suck it up and deal with the emotional abuse and disrespectful ways that go on when working in Walmart. It’s ok for a manager to be aggressive towards a worker, and talk to workers any kind of way and they want you to not say nothing I think not! 

Working in Walmart is like being in a shark tank trying to survive and if you want to survive its do as they say, and no questions regardless of how they talk to you. They love those little puppets that run here and there and they can use you without a care,  I was once that puppet that they pulled every which way and I did it because I simply believe in team work and being a hard worker. And helping anywhere help was needed because I like working and also meeting people, and being goofy playing with every little kid. That’s where my smile came from seeing my little Walmart babies come up to me and hug me, or high five me with a huge smile on their face. That would see me through my day with grace after dealing with a bunch of grimey snakes, who would smile in your face and look for a chance to sabotage you for a come up or to get in good with the messy assistant who would have favorites. I been bullied, sexually harassed, emotional abused, and used, all to be walked over and have my name slandered for what? Because I speak up for myself and won’t tolerate or allow anyone to disrespect me, or treat me any kind of way because they felt it was ok. 

One thing about Walmart is they will try to destroy you and suck life out of you for speaking up for yourself. They know nothing about respect because if they did they would lead properly with it, and most of all do it with grace and humility. Just because you are in a position of authority don’t give anyone the right to abuse it, respect is earned and not taken and a real person like me will never fake smile my way to the top or kiss anyone’s behind to get there. 

A business should be just that and not a place where people lie, disrespect, and sabotage the next just to move up. I have never been in such a toxic, hostile, emotional wrecked filled place. People shouldn’t have to go through a lot outside of work, just to come in to work and literally hate walking in because they will have to deal with rude and unprofessional people who don’t deserve to wear the title of manager. And no, staying to yourself and standing up for yourself isn’t attitude or stepping out of line. It is your right to stand up for what you deserve and you should never have to worry about retaliation like I have, Walmart is a unhealthy and stressful environment. The customers are enough to deal with and workers shouldn’t have to deal with rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate bosses. I see many work this job under these conditions due to old age and being their last resort, had one older lady tell me if I felt like my life would continue I would quit. Older people feel like if that quit their life is over and it is sad they must deal with situations like that, we must do anything to protect our sanity and peace. And if that means walking away from a place that threatens it, and fight for your rights and to get them to do better and answer for their wrong we must do that. 

Dear other half of me

If I could sit face to face and open my heart to you it would go just like this. 

To the one that touched my heart and my soul and showed me a new way of living and learning. The one that actually helped me to see my own worth and value by genuinely loving you, I was that female that thought love was something all wrong.  I knew I wanted to be in love and to love another and do what it takes to keep a man, I thought I had to give myself away to hold on to that man. Loving you helped me to see that wasn’t true, it helped me to find my strength to say no. Strength to not care what was thought of me for keeping myself pure, for genuinely living a life that was completely pleasing to God. You touched my soul in so many ways I became brand new for the better, you taught me so much as you got me to open up.  

I realized what genuine love truly was the day that I did fall in love with you.  I would tell you how hard it has been to no longer have you there in my life like you used to be, I would tell you how hard it has been to repair my heart and to find a little smile from within. I would tell you how deeply in love I am and will forever be with you, but I just learned how to move on without you. I learned how to find my air again because it was hard to breathe without you, I learned to accept what is and 


move out of the way knowing I can never force you to receive what you genuinely weren’t ready for. I learned how to be at peace the best way I can without the other half of me and my soul, I could name so many reasons why I will forever love you. The one that stands out the most is that it was written I was birthed for this, and I’ll never love and honor another like you and that’s real. 

Eternal Love

Eternal love I don’t think you will ever understand this kind of love, a love that looked past your every flaw and saw your heart. A love from the depths of her soul! Eternal love I wonder will you ever know, just how much you had in someone so genuine? Eternal love will you ever understand this kind of love? A love that loved you past the lies, judgment, this kind of love can never be replaced. 

A love that came from the heart and now hidden within just to survive this life. A love that wasn’t fabricated and never can be duplicated! A love that forgave, prayed, and covered you in spite of hurt. Eternal love I wonder do you know what you pushed away? And caused a great deal of pain, someone who trusted you and the bond you said would never be broken or came between. Eternal love I wonder will you ever understand? Something that was tested and failed because of betrayal, disloyalty, judgment, indifference, lies and allowing others opinions to over shadow what was in your heart from the start. Eternal love written before time and not even pain can kill, it will live throughout eternity and beyond. 

Eternal love that will always have your back no matter what. Even in distance will forever respect you, forgave you and still to this day honors the King in you!

The God in you.

A love so sweet hidden deep within her heart. And she couldn’t denie it even if she tried, a connection so real like in the movies. But a real life deal something unspeakable, a once in a life time feeling. Never duplicated and unsaturated, Heaven could’ve only made it! No one in there right mind could escape it! You wait your whole life time to look into the eyes of your soulmate.. Someone made especially for you by the Heavens that God created. Someone you just know is that extra missing piece to you, someone you can look at and see the God in and that’s every single way.

A brave heart, a kind heart, a giving heart. One full with love but yet so fragile and fearful of opinions, one who has such a beautiful soul but don’t understand the true meaning of what real love is. Real love you see with your heart and soul, you see the potential in the one who is made just for you. Real love is when you see 50 years and on, see the outside beauty will eventually fade and it is the heart that remains. But you cannot force one to see the truth. So you continue to move forward in everything you do, with a love that will never die hidden deep inside you. You learned to survive and live without the one you will always love. The one that stole your heart from you! The one you adore because you loved him for who he was in the beginning. You love him for the real him, the person he is destined to be. You love his smile, his heart, his soul, his spirit, his strength, and so much more.

See that type of love you cannot throw away. That type of love will never ever fade. That type of bond is only one of a kind, when someone continues to love you in spite of your wrong and prideful ways. You can never really duplicate someone, who will never give up on you and in spite of will always believe in you. When you find someone genuine,loyal,respectful, kind, and has a beautiful soul. Don’t lose that person because of your pride, and your huge ego and especially because of what others may think or say. When you genuinely love someone you love all of them, you love the God in them!

The Good and The bad of working in retail!!!!

Working in retail is never a easy job especially when you are on the front end. You are the first and last person the customers see, so basically you make the difference and are the deciding factor on if that customer will return aren’t. And you basically hold in your hand the determining factor on how their experience went. There could’ve been no food to their liking on the shelves. And the main thing they will remember is the one who helped, and how the one who helped them treated them.

I learned a long time ago as a leader you hold in your hands two things, good or bad customers you are the one with the power to turn it around. Basically good or evil your response will determine the outcome. And Lord knows there are some customers who can make your day horrible if you let them, you can either join their stupidity or smile through it. I have been in retail for over nine years, and was on my first job for half that. I have never in my life seen so much evil, and so much ignorance over people not getting their way. But that comes a long with working in retail, so when someone who I believe shouldn’t be in charge. Tried to tell me I need to get thicker skin to be harassed, by people who don’t know me. And only judge me by what they see, I find it very offending. I’ll deal with any customer who comes through my line, and might have had a bad day or a horrible shopping experience and decide to take it out on me. I’ll deal with it with a big old smile on my face, because I have the power. I control the outcome good or bad, I deal with it to a certain point if it gets too out of control I’ll walk away. 

But never will I deal with anyone who is disrespectful just because. Who is judgemental and evil just because. Who comes in my job and single me out just because, in their opinion I am ugly. I guess I need thicker skin to deal with management who is rude, messy, and just have nasty personalities. I guess she meant I need thicker skin to deal with ignorant people. No I rather stay that real person and not deal with it at all. I could care less who likes me or your opinion of me, because clearly many don’t know me or did they take the chance to get to know me. Because 80% of the time people judge me by what they see. I am different, unique, honest, respectful, with the best home training hands down. I respect authority and never been locked up, I have never been to jail. For goodness sake for years, my little brother has been my leader. I have never one time disrespected him as a leader of the church, it was always yes sir and so on. So I know well how to respect authority, but I have learned in retail. That certain people in charge, let the word Boss go to their head.

I guess they gain the slave mentality thinking it means own and do as I say. And the workers bet not dare question their authority, sorry. Being a boss comes with have a mindset of never forgetting where you come from. Being a real boss you  understand, that leading with grace and humility will earn you respect. Being a boss don’t come with being messy, gossiping, and being right in the midst of drama and gossiping about your so called friends one day and enemy the next.

No where did it say that being a boss is called God? You aren’t God in no form of fashion, or do you have the right to mistreat your workers in any kind of way!!! Being a boss comes with being a good example, no one in their right mind will allow anyone to disrespect them. Being a boss comes with leaving a mark, leaving greatness on your pupils and leaving them with the question of how can I lead like that and even better!

*I met one person in all of my nine +years of working in retail. Who at first I questioned why single me out? Why make me do what others refused to do? And then I finally got it in his statement to me. He told me to stop looking at those rude customers as someone out to get me. He told me that sometimes you have to go over and beyond just to win. He told me I had greatness in me and he had seen me go over and beyond before. So keep it up and keep going. But it also taught me to never forget where I came from, and it made me better than before……