It is personal.. Letting Go!

I made the mistake years ago in believing your words you spoke to me, words that touched my heart and soul. I believed you when you said our bond was special, and you would never allow anyone to come between us. I believed you when you said so much to me until I started seeing your actions, telling me one thing and then showing me another. I was then made to look like the wrong one, when I pointed this out to you. In spite of the lies and the indifference, what made it grow deeper is what I seen and felt in prayer. What I started to feel in my heart, knowing someone is meant to be in your life and they treat you like you have no worth or value. Cannot make up their mind one minute to the next, speaking to you one moment and treating you like you are the enemy the next moment. Someone you know is a good person deep inside, and yet you watch pride and stubbornness reveal truth you don’t want to believe because you know there is good inside you seen it so many times.

I was the one that was there to encourage and speak life many times, all the words spoken to you from me was truth. I wish you can go back to that gift I gave you, the words that were spoken to me to give to you. It is a hard thing to watch someone you love act in such a way and for what? This connection in feeling everything they feel is painful, feeling so connected to someone with your heart and soul is painful. Especially when they keep hurting you, and you just don’t understand why. But I cannot keep doing it, no matter how much I believe in you. No matter how much I love you, and no matter how much I adore you. I simply have no more words at all for you, I have been loyal and beyond. I trusted you and I wish you knew how much I need you, but I have to let you go. I don’t know what it is that hurt you, I don’t know what it is that cause you to respond in the way you have. I am confused, I am hurt, I am so tired and done with it all. You touched my soul and I wish you could see from my view, I cannot make you get it though. And I am done fighting with you, and most of all I am done fighting for you and I have to be. I am a soul, I have a heart, I have worth and I am beyond valuable dear heart and I do matter. I have seen the best in you and I pray for you, I fall asleep praying for you. I pray for you more than I do myself, after thanking God every morning I pray for you and everything concerning you. I pray that God strengthen you, Lord I love you so much in spite of it all. Truth is I just want you to see this, it has never been about attacking you. I honestly wanted you to see from my view, you cannot promise someone something and break the promise. You cannot take a chance on others, and then judge the one that speak truth to you…. I am the way that I am and have been for a long time because of you, I believe you let many cloud your vision and why the friendship ended is because of you.

Lord knows I believe in growth and I also believe we shouldn’t lose the best part of us. I find it really hard to understand what you are fighting against concerning me, what caused you to go silent. It is really crazy because something inside tells me, that you truly care and you really do love me. I can feel it but I got to let go now and cut the cord, I cannot fight anymore for peace with you only for it to be disturbed with your unsure actions. It is so funny to me when I hear more than one person say you never know, what I do know is I am done. I am so done with the games and the up and down, I am done with it all. This will never change my love and respect for you, and yes it do hurt so much. But I can do and I will do all things through Christ who is my strength. I forgive you and I have forgiven you more than once, I pray for you man. I pray that God heal and restore everything in you that you question and fear, I love you throughout eternity strong man, brave man, good man, the man I know you are.

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Author: ladyebonyl

Walking in my truth using life lessons to help the next. Perfecting my craft one blog at a time, walk with me on the journey of telling my story.

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