For the last few nights I have been up way past time simply because my mind won’t stop moving. He has been on my mind the good and the bad, wondering what do you do when you understand a person response. But don’t understand their reaction, everything from the last few years are coming back to me. I am reminded of the pain because of him, being anywhere close to him brings up the pain.
Truth is I took time to try to get rid of something that won’t leave, you cannot make anyone see they are supposed to be in your life. You cannot make anyone see the pain they have caused, when they are simply too selfish. I haven’t been the only one to bring this word to life regarding him and it is truth. The most selfish, stubborn, prideful, good, loving, awesome man I have known. Everyone has two sides to them and it is simple hell that I know them both, when you love someone you love through the good and the bad. He took my heart and soul from me, I love him so much it hurts. And I mean that literally it is painful, it is a thought process of why? Why will my heart not let him go, I know the answer is because I am supposed to love him. He is supposed to be in my life I need him to be there so much, that it simply aches every inch of my soul. The love for him gave me reason and helped saved my life, when it simply felt hard to breathe. Even though it hurts so bad, I have to let him go. He don’t deserve this love and he’ll honestly never find one like me, that will be loyal as I have and understanding. No more, I am tired, you cannot win with a prideful and stubborn heart. There is simply nothing else left to give, Dear God please heal. Please restore and rebuild and don’t allow this pain, to be inflicted off on others. Don’t allow not understanding to cause unwanted questions. I am more than worthy to call friend, I am worth it to get to know. I am a good woman who is beautiful and loving, I am a soul with a heart who matters. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am awesome and a good loyal woman. I will have s support system around me, one who shows no jealousy. Ones who don’t gossip, or do horrible backbiting and tearing me down as a human. I will be blessed with family who isn’t blood, that will Love and cherish me through the good and the bad.
I am not afraid to let go anymore of anything or anyone who is toxic, I am not afraid to let go of people who cause me to question my worth and don’t understand my value. I know it is okay to love from a distance, especially if you have tried to exist in peace more than once. It is okay to be free of anyone who hurts you, and has shown you nothing but pain and selfish ways.
I don’t have anything else that I feel is pure freedom for me. I’ve been writing poetry for a long time, and I just recently decided to take it up a level and blog…. I call it my own personal journal for the world to see full of truth, pain, overcoming, and so much more just a closer step to sharing my full complete story with the world. I write to encourage the next with hope that someone won’t have to go through, some of the things that I’ve endured and to be of help to the next, here recently in my own struggles with somethings my voice has almost been taken away and I will explain. I usually don’t go so deep into my life or get too personal….. But, I feel like someone may need encouragement to keep the faith, and not allow the storm(s) they maybe going through to break them. °In the toughest storms a true warrior is born. Remember, the storms cannot break you because you have the power to control the storms.
I am a woman of faith who believes in prayer…. I believe in the Higher Power of God! And that there is a ruler over earth, with more power than the President who walks the earth. Prayer to me changes many things but without true works it is dead. We must believe in ourselves and the power that we hold, to speak to any storm even when it feels as if it is raging!!!!!! I’ve been through many things, so much so at times it can become overwhelming with many questions. I feel like from the middle of 2015 to now has been literally the worse, my point is we always think what we go through is very difficult to get through. But, there will always be something that comes a long to top it all off(much worse) leaving you like hmmm…….. From the middle of 2015 to now I’ve dealt with betrayal that left me feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I mean I felt like I was suffocating from the inside out, I just couldn’t understand it for nothing or why it happened but it taught me a lot. I will tell this story later on in my book, just know that in that storm I learned the true meaning of true forgiveness.
Fast-forward to now and I must say even though that was one of the hardest things. This year hasn’t been a easy one either. I truly believe with every test there is a reason for it, and why the storms come even when it may feel like you’re drowning!!!! Trust me when I say we have the power to survive, I haven’t wrote a blog for a minute for many reasons. My voice had been silenced and I just realized, it was the enemy way of trying to shut me up. Dealing first with the loss of a family member, that left me stuck and literally frozen in pain amongst some other things…… As well as dealing with a few situations of my own, went to one doctor and he told me I had a growth on my right vocal card. And if it isn’t gone by the the next time I see him, he will have to do a biopsy to check and make sure it isn’t cancer(I’ve heard that word so much it is crazy) after that I had another test done and that report didn’t come back too good. With talks of possible surgery I mean I’ve gotten to the point I have no words, only words I have these days are “But God” and I will keep on praying. I use these few things as a example, even though there is much more to my story(I will leave out for now)and only I can tell it. It gets really hard at times but I hold on to the fact, that God is a God of grace and His grace is sufficient and His Love is powerful. And that no matter what we go through, we must believe that there is better and greater ahead of us. So keep trusting and have faith that the storm(s) won’t last long, a great man once told me “It gets greater later.” And that is why I continue to fight because I am determined, to see and have my Greater!
I have always been a writer and started writing poetry at a young age… I am a thinker who goes beyond the surface. I am realistic and a very humble being, who sees truth for what it is. My view has always been black and white. Adding color a long the way from my heart I have always been kind, and a giver at times I feel I give too much!!!! But, I realize that will never change and I will always be me… My point is this, many will try to figure you out or spend time judging you on what they think they know. But, when will enough become enough? And you get to the point where you get delivered from the opinions of others?
°There will come a point in life when you have to distance yourself from the naysayers and doubters.
You have moved forward not looking back but yet everytime you turn around, someone reminds you of your past mistakes…. Let them go! You will never be able to accomplish all the great things you have inside of you. Allowing people to hinder your growth judging you based on your past. Some people will actually see you doing better and literally hate it, because they cannot face the fact that you have changed and deserve a chance. Don’t allow people to disqualify you or make you feel anything less than the best that you’re! You have a right to walk in all your greatness, without anyone holding old things against you or judging you on your situation and things you have been through.
°Stop judging people and learn to love them in truth! No one has the right to play God!
We all go through and fact is no one on this earth is perfect. If people would spend less time judging and more time helping to build one another up. The world would be a little more better, but some people would rather tear one another down. I always do my best to touch on topics that are true….How do I know they’re true? Because at one point I was you…….. I believe people truly underestimate the power that they can sometimes hold. Words hold power and instead of using them to build. People often use them the wrong way and that’s when “Enough Becomes Enough” and people should learn to be more aware of the words they speak. Judging someone off their difficulties and obstacles don’t help the person. Especially if you have never walked a mile in their shoes. Better yet if you had to put their shoes on, I am sure you would keep yours instead. Never forget there is always someone out there with a story greater than yours.
°Allow love to win°
Be encouraged no matter what you maybe going through . Don’t allow situations and most of all people to hold you back. They may know where you came from but will never understand your now. Until they catch up to you and who you’re, and not who you used to be! If they don’t learn to love them from a distance. Because those who truly love you and care for you, won’t work against you. And their actions and not just words will show just how much they love you!!!!