Real Man!!! Thank you!

A few days ago I went over my life and I looked back at #relationships I realized every man that had been in my life was simply horrible. I have dealt with the worst of them, I have dealt with physical and emotional abuse and my life being put in danger by a few. The control issues and manipulation, I have never known a good man until 5 years ago. He ain’t perfect and fact is that made him even greater in my eyes, this one taught me many valuable lessons and pushed me out my comfort zone I wouldn’t be the leader I am today if it wasn’t for him. Thank you JLC!!!! On a whole higher level, see with the bad there will always come the good and I am grateful to know my ACE. I believe in showing respect where it is due and a woman should honor a good man. Thank you ACE for being a teacher too, one who taught me valuable lessons. Grateful for you!!!! And it gives me hope. As I wait for the One, I will wait with patience and never settle for less than because of this great man I still hold hope and a better view. That good men do live, as a woman you cannot go looking for the ONE you simply have to WAIT!!!!

I have had to endure a lot of pain wanting badly to have that love back that I give. As a girl child growing up without a father, I was never taught what a good man looks like. I believe everyone is born with a purpose, and no matter the road there are valuable lessons. And I understand God sent this man to be my teacher, to show me what a good man looks like. The journey with my ACE wasn’t easy, but he taught me how to forgive in truth and how to let LOVE win no matter what it looks like. He taught me how to endure, long suffering, loving someone from your heart and soul and honoring the divine connection and forever friendship.

I genuinely know who I am a woman with a awesome heart. Imperfect, have flaws. But, I know I will be blessed with the best. Just when I lost hope on any good man existing, I learned from you. A man that I am grateful to Know, and until the end of time ACE you know how much I’ll always love you.

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Hey King Alpha

I seem to write when there is so much on my mind and my spirit need to feel free. It feels polluted and heavy by everything that has been going on, here I am sitting here like oh I am not good enough? What makes the next so better than me is it the years she has on me? Please excuse me while I write out truth, I came to know you at a time when my heart and soul was lonely and so in love with another, this the type of love that two people don’t have to lay with one another to find. My teacher and my ACE he was and he made me even more better, the good in me comes from God the love in me is for all in this world that’s so dark. Just that empathetic and humble I am, I been like that since I was young.

Then came you something special on you and I connected with you. Let’s just say you woke my hurt soul, these feelings I was having for another the desire to know you. Why you didn’t tell me no? DEAR GOD!!!! I wish you told me NO!!! If you loved her so and she was enough you would’ve told me NO!!! I hope you fix those things in you that struggle so you want leave another in pain. Dear God I played a huge part in this pain, but you didn’t treat me just like some toy and I thank you for that. You was gentle with me I’ll never forget your heart beat, I felt your heart beat next to mine it was calm and it was free. I cannot forget being able to sense everything you was feeling this wasn’t no min to min, this was something deep something sweet I’ll always keep. Your strength, your heart, your desire to want to be just happy and free and the best man I know and believe it is in you!!! I’ll never regret you even with the pain of connecting with you brought me tears and joy, but I know what it feels like when someone already has your heart and mind.

I’m just happy I get to know you as someone forever special, and I hope you understand even past that one mistake. Loyalty from me will have you amazed and will always be, I respect and honor the King in you ain’t nothing like a “King Alpha” one who is strong and wise and literally will shake your soul!!! Nobody can say anything bad about you to me, I’ll always refuse to hear it or even give it room to breathe. I promise this a real life scene out of a movie, just some things I’ll keep sacred for ever but the short time with you felt like HEAVEN!!!!!!!!

Thank you for being the man that you are grateful to know you!!!!! I genuinely wish you nothing but peace, genuine unshakable love, joy& pure happiness!!!!!!

Reasons a girl needs her father.

Sad part is I once knew men like R.Kelly and I once placed the blame off on my dad for not being there. A girl child needs her father so much that it is ridiculous, a father teaches a girl child what she deserves. I wondered why everyone else had their father, and I couldn’t have mine? I dealt with a lot of neglect and being pushed aside as if I didn’t matter, and that pain caused me to search for a love that never existed and that died back in 1999. I hated that man for years, and I promised I would never cry when he died. Why would I cry for a man that was barely ever there? I don’t know what it is, maybe it is the connection kids share with their parents no matter what due to birth. But I was broken that day the man that help give me life was gone. And I didn’t get the chance to ask him my so many how come? I was 14 when my dad died and here I am at 33, I will never birth a child into this world unless I am sure of the child father. Father’s be there for your kids especially your daughter, be the best good loving role model possible. You are molding her and preparing her, your true love and guidance will be her teacher of what she deserves in a man. I humbly ask that it be good and admirable, lead and guide her properly so she’ll never run into a R. Kelly.

A girl child needs her father for so many reasons so she won’t grow older and search for that void. So she will be stronger in the mind, and know what to stay away from. A father teaches his daughter the proper love, that good Love so she won’t run into the pretender. The pretender that pretend to love her, just to get into her mind and manipulate and control her. A pretender will find a young girl weakness and prey on it, knowing what he wants it to use and control her for his own personal gain. I have learned throughout life, the hurt people hurt people. Some men do it intentionally, and some men do it unintentionally. This is more than enough reason the girl child needs her father, and she needs him to show in action what genuine love is. And when she knows that genuine love, she’ll never accept anything less than the best.

Dear You from me(conversation with God)

I have came to a conclusion here at the ending of 2018, and it took me a while but I got here. I listen to God often and today I heard Him loud and clear, He spoke to me and said my child life is too short to keep holding on to someone that don’t even know your worth. Someone who never took a true chance on getting to know you, someone who made a lot of promises to you and broke every single one without a care. Someone who lied to you, lied on you, and slandered your name in more ways than one. Someone you love(d) dearly and forgave over and over in spite of wrong, someone you respect(ed) and the person broke trust and respect with you. Someone who judged your flaws and you loved him through all of his, someone who taught you so much and brought deep hurt to you at the same time.

Someone who made you feel bad for pointing out the lies told to you, and made you feel like the wrong one for saying how the promises to you weren’t kept. My child you haven’t lost anything, you kept loving in spite of so much wrong. And one day he will see what was lost, he will see the depth of your loyalty. He will see the depth of your love, honor, and respect. He will see how he treated you indifferent and wronged you, shift now my child. I know you been hurting for a while, because you cannot understand how someone you trusted and shared your secrets with would bring you so much pain. Don’t let this linger any more heal completely now and move on to better, you have suffered and you have been kind. You have been loyal and you have loved in truth, you have been forgiving and beyond understanding. Have peace in knowing you have been good, and you have done in action what many denie in words. You have loved with your whole heart, and from the depths of your soul. I know you love him and he knows it too, but you deserve so much more better than what he has given you.

Broken Heart

When you sleep the day away to avoid thinking about the one you Love, and even then the one you Love end up in your dreams. You cannot understand why the LOVE won’t go away, it has been years and you have prayed and cried dear God please take it from my heart and soul. A person who means so much to you and helped save you, challenged you for the better and helped make you a better person. Someone you was beyond loyal to and encouraged through hard times, was there just to listen any time you was needed.

How do you just over look the hurt and pain they caused You? I mean they did nothing in the end but judge you and for what? You watched the one you Love in truth, past the flaws he has and the broken promises he made. You watched him go out his way to get to know others, and judge you without truly knowing you and started to push you away when things got too deep. When outsiders voiced their jealous opinions on your bond, when outsiders started to worry about something that truly didn’t concern them. But you really cannot blame them when he put them their, he cannot make up his mind what he wants from you. One day he is kind to you and the next, he treats you like you are his enemy and for what like what is he struggling with? You are only guilty of loving him genuinely, and wondering what’s up with his negative actions? So many unanswered questions you left with, and now you are stuck. You stuck in love with a man you adore, you know he is meant to be in your life in some kind of a way. You know you need him and deep down inside you feel he care, but you refuse to deal with a indecisive man. One who just has so much to heal from, because when you hurt someone who truly love you and believe in you. And has done nothing but respect and protect you, even in times you didn’t deserve it she still genuinely love you. That’s a loyal friend, a good woman, who really cherish you and you just hurt her because she love you in your opinion just too much. Now she left living with a broken heart, finding ways to survive without the one she truly loves and that ain’t a easy task. But she goes on daily, hoping and praying that with time it gets better.

Healing Powers

Everything still leads back to you and the silence was hurting me. I could lay everything out on the table starting with pain, I could lay the broken shattered heart out too. Them moments when I simply don’t feel like dealing with you, the lies and tears too. I could put it all on the table for you, especially those moments I hated you. You broke promises to me and simply had no remorse at all, you broke trust when you betrayed me more than once. I still hear the words oh you simply love him, and fact is I loved you way past all the flaws. I am that real life story of when love wins, I am that real life story of loving deeply from your soul and heart.. That kind of love that conquers all especially the bad times, that love that over powers the indifference I have endured because of you. Like the more than one occasion of brokenness because of you, the dealing with the after effects of hate, jealousy, and resentment from those that don’t know me.. And it is all because of the jealousy they have when it comes to you, it still hunts me to this day. And it all starts with you and the many words of betrayal spoken by you, I literally have to pray for strength just to get through.

Wondering will the day ever come when my heart and soul is clean, and renewed from the shattered pieces of you. Healing Powers I reach to the Heavens for you, I reach to you for strength, courage, wisdom, and endurance to live. To live my best life without you no longer being there, I learned in the process it isn’t me and all you. You cannot make a person see the good in you and the Love, you cannot make a person receive it either. You cannot make a person open up their broken heart, you cannot make a person stop hurting you. You can simply remove anything toxic, anything that’s not healthy for you. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you, and to let them understand the true depths of your worth. Sometimes you simply have to walk away and no longer deal with them, knowing yes you could rip them a part by letting them know how badly they hurt you. But, that won’t do any good at all for you especially when you genuinely love them. Especially when you would do anything to protect him, even if that means looking like the bad one and living without that genuine I am sorry I know I hurt you.

Dear #Women sometimes you will feel like the wait of the world is on your shoulders, and about 70% of the time it will be behind a selfish man. But never allow the actions of any selfish person to stop your growth, keep going and keep knowing The Highest Power has you protected. Let go of the #hate because it will only block your blessings, and no one is worth your blessings being put on hold. The best way I can put this is make room for #healing , and simply be HEALED!!!!!

If I could talk to you.

If I could sit down and talk to you face to face here is what I would say.

I would lay everything out on the table beginning with no lies from both sides and all honesty. I would look you in your eyes, and ask you to promise me no more lies.

Let’s begin: You hurt me, I know you remember our conversation that went like this. I don’t trust people and I find it hard to trust them, because anyone I love(d) has always found a way to hurt me and let me down. And you told me you would never allow anyone to come between us, you said any time I ever needed you that you would be one call away. And if you didn’t answer quickly, you would return my call asap. You always did exactly that and more, I remember one time I couldn’t stop crying. In fact this night I was positive I wouldn’t see the morning, I was so broken from a heavy pain I lost for a moment the memory of who I was. But you called me and talked to me, and told me how you believed in me. You reminded me of what I forgot for a moment, and said I was stronger than that. You said I shall live and not die, you said I had to fight for my better. You always had a way of pushing me, to be the best and a stronger me. You where my friend and someone I trusted, and helped save my life.

You broke my heart: I knew I was meant to share a bond with you, it’s basically like I had been knowing you forever. The love I had for you was like none other, it was a genuine love deep from my soul. I was loyal, I was respectful, I was honest, and most of all a real friend. The day that all got taken away because you let other’s in, was the day my heart ached so bad. It was a pain so deep, I could barely breathe. A pain so hard it left me lifeless without a care, I wasn’t even myself anymore.

You broke trust: You betrayed me on more than one occasion, but yet I still loved you. Yet I still honored you, yet I still trusted you. I need you to know the love I had for you, that love will never be duplicated. That’s a one of a kind love that went through the storm, and even when I was loyal to you and you stopped being loyal to me. I kept in my heart the beginning, and everything you said. I kept in my heart I knew you loved me, and just didn’t know how to deal with the jealousy of others when they asked why me?

And even when you painted this picture like it was all me, when fact is a woman will only react to what she receive. I went through a moment of hating you and for betraying me, I went through a moment of hate and hurt. When you started to treat me badly and others around better than me. I went through a moment of hate when I know for a fact, you started to have my name in your mouth negatively. I went through a moment of hate when you broke your promise, when you started to have them look/treat me rudely. You promised me that it was not you, and you weren’t back biting. But my heart says other wise and it never lies to me, in fact if I followed my heart many times and listened to my gut. Truth is it would’ve saved me from a lot of heartbreak/pain.

Now: Here it is now when I can finally reach a true place of healing, a true place of acceptance. Of knowing it wasn’t me and it was all you, your broken promises cost me a great deal of pain. Made me look like I was a bad person and I was okay with that, I was okay with anything if it meant protecting you. I know in the end love won over hate, and exactly how I knew I genuinely loved you. I looked past your flaws to remember the good, I looked past the broken promises, judgement, indifference, and hurt. I looked past it all and went back to the beginning of THE ONE, the one I genuinely know over the person in the end. That kind, loving, thoughtful, funny, selfless, amazing beautiful soul. The one that regardless of the wrong and hurt, I would go to war for. I would hurt anyone over if they hurt you in any kind of way, some would say I am stupid. When fact is I am just real, I know when something is meant. And fact is I was meant to love you for real, and with healing after the pain. I know I was meant to love you regardless, in spite of our differences. I hand true forgiveness to you, it’s not for you it is genuinely for me. That last part of healing to move on completely, thank you for the good and the bad.

Side note: No one but me knows how recent this was, I write from past and present to help those who maybe dealing or still dealing with a similar situation.