Real Man!!! Thank you!

A few days ago I went over my life and I looked back at #relationships I realized every man that had been in my life was simply horrible. I have dealt with the worst of them, I have dealt with physical and emotional abuse and my life being put in danger by a few. The control issues and manipulation, I have never known a good man until 5 years ago. He ain’t perfect and fact is that made him even greater in my eyes, this one taught me many valuable lessons and pushed me out my comfort zone I wouldn’t be the leader I am today if it wasn’t for him. Thank you JLC!!!! On a whole higher level, see with the bad there will always come the good and I am grateful to know my ACE. I believe in showing respect where it is due and a woman should honor a good man. Thank you ACE for being a teacher too, one who taught me valuable lessons. Grateful for you!!!! And it gives me hope. As I wait for the One, I will wait with patience and never settle for less than because of this great man I still hold hope and a better view. That good men do live, as a woman you cannot go looking for the ONE you simply have to WAIT!!!!

I have had to endure a lot of pain wanting badly to have that love back that I give. As a girl child growing up without a father, I was never taught what a good man looks like. I believe everyone is born with a purpose, and no matter the road there are valuable lessons. And I understand God sent this man to be my teacher, to show me what a good man looks like. The journey with my ACE wasn’t easy, but he taught me how to forgive in truth and how to let LOVE win no matter what it looks like. He taught me how to endure, long suffering, loving someone from your heart and soul and honoring the divine connection and forever friendship.

I genuinely know who I am a woman with a awesome heart. Imperfect, have flaws. But, I know I will be blessed with the best. Just when I lost hope on any good man existing, I learned from you. A man that I am grateful to Know, and until the end of time ACE you know how much I’ll always love you.

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Who am I?

I am a imperfect human being that will never hide my imperfections. I’ll never pretend to be this perfect human, because no one on this earth is or even exist. We can just strive to go HIGHER and be a bigger and better version of ourselves and on that path to better, we will make mistakes and slip it’s called learning. One thing about me Ebony Dawn Love I will always be this senstive being, I will live and die a empath. I’ll never allow anyone or anything to take that part of me away, because that makes me exactly who I am. Peculiar, wise, misunderstood, test me you’ll meet the LIONESS in me. I believe in RIGHT!!! That’s why after God I’ll always correct me when I am wrong. That’s just who I am that REAL!!! I know God exist and LIVE, I guarantee I upset Him at times because I allow things to get to me too deeply but I am only human. I also guarantee none of this separate me from HIM!!!! I rather live in all my truth then to hide anything, I learned a long time ago my only mission is to please God to the best of my ability. Sometimes good spirits are tested the most and that’s because God knows we can handle it!!!! No matter what we can handle it through stress, pain, let downs, persecution, and broken heart we can handle it and we will always bounce back to GREATER and BETTER on a HIGHER level elevated with more POWER!!! It’s the unbreakable CONNECTION!!!! 💙

I desire to see more love in this world it’s simply too much hate. Too many people adding more pain to one another with their selfish acts, women being broken down mentally, emotionally, spiritually. By selfish men who only think of themselves, let’s not forget about the disloyalty that runs rampant in this earth realm. When truth is all a woman like me wants to do is LOVE deeply, and give selflessly as much as I can. Not one to look for anything in return, but the same LOVE and genuine RESPECT that I give. But, I always have to keep in mind that everyone heart ain’t like mine. But, that’ll never get me to doubt the change in this world that can be, and that comes with people laying down their selfish ways. Stop lying and live in your truth, but most of all do it in pure LOVE with respect and value for others and honoring the next being existence. Stop being darkness, stop draining others, stop taking from people like they owe you something. Be honest with people, and when you blessed to meet genuine good people cherish them. Because they are very precious and valuable so keep them close, and don’t push them away with your selfish ways and throwing your indifference towards them. Because truth is every spirit and soul do matter, make sure you planting good seeds and nurturing the next being a light. And remember it never hurts, to check on those strong ones and ask them are they okay? Because truth is just to know a person care in truth, can nurture and be healing to a soul that might need that extra push and encouragement. This is who I am and what I give, and pray to start seeing it more in this world and truth is it starts one by one so pay it forward.

Hey King Alpha

I seem to write when there is so much on my mind and my spirit need to feel free. It feels polluted and heavy by everything that has been going on, here I am sitting here like oh I am not good enough? What makes the next so better than me is it the years she has on me? Please excuse me while I write out truth, I came to know you at a time when my heart and soul was lonely and so in love with another, this the type of love that two people don’t have to lay with one another to find. My teacher and my ACE he was and he made me even more better, the good in me comes from God the love in me is for all in this world that’s so dark. Just that empathetic and humble I am, I been like that since I was young.

Then came you something special on you and I connected with you. Let’s just say you woke my hurt soul, these feelings I was having for another the desire to know you. Why you didn’t tell me no? DEAR GOD!!!! I wish you told me NO!!! If you loved her so and she was enough you would’ve told me NO!!! I hope you fix those things in you that struggle so you want leave another in pain. Dear God I played a huge part in this pain, but you didn’t treat me just like some toy and I thank you for that. You was gentle with me I’ll never forget your heart beat, I felt your heart beat next to mine it was calm and it was free. I cannot forget being able to sense everything you was feeling this wasn’t no min to min, this was something deep something sweet I’ll always keep. Your strength, your heart, your desire to want to be just happy and free and the best man I know and believe it is in you!!! I’ll never regret you even with the pain of connecting with you brought me tears and joy, but I know what it feels like when someone already has your heart and mind.

I’m just happy I get to know you as someone forever special, and I hope you understand even past that one mistake. Loyalty from me will have you amazed and will always be, I respect and honor the King in you ain’t nothing like a “King Alpha” one who is strong and wise and literally will shake your soul!!! Nobody can say anything bad about you to me, I’ll always refuse to hear it or even give it room to breathe. I promise this a real life scene out of a movie, just some things I’ll keep sacred for ever but the short time with you felt like HEAVEN!!!!!!!!

Thank you for being the man that you are grateful to know you!!!!! I genuinely wish you nothing but peace, genuine unshakable love, joy& pure happiness!!!!!!

When “Love” ain’t enough.

Started off as a connection that is unexplainable. I used to be the girl who was attracted to looks, oh my first response would be oh he is fine you were different. I saw something in you that only God could show me, I saw in you what I was meant to see. Then things turned into a friendship a bond you said would never be broken, a bond you said you would never allow anyone to come between. Every time I saw you my heart would smile, I could talk to you about anything. You know things about me no one else knows about me, you were always there anytime I needed you. Felt like I couldn’t breathe when I lost you, I remember many sleepless nights. The pain of knowing someone is meant to be in your life, and the person allowed outsiders to fog his mind in every single way. He allowed pride to get in the way of what was a precious bond, someone I know deep in my heart loved me and told me back when I spoke the words I love you.

You were my strength here on earth and second to God you were everything to me, I adored you more than anything. I sacrificed, I suffered, I even took the blame when you were so wrong. There were times I couldn’t stand you and was so angry, to find out someone who meant the world to me would betray me was painful. I suffered in silence, my heart ached so bad it felt like I was dying daily. I was torn between pain, even when I love(d) you so much. I could never hate you because that’s not who I am, how could I hate the man who took me through hell? But, at the same time taught me so much, the love I had for you saved me(you helped save my life) I was broken and torn from the inside out but never stopped loving you. I don’t believe in giving up on people I genuinely love, and dear God knows I love(d) you from my heart and soul. You were my friend that I needed and loved dearly, and I know that LOVE pushed you away and caused you to do some of the things you did that brought me great pain. I know you very well, and I was beyond loyal to you. The man who pushed me to be better, and taught me the true meaning of love. See, what I know is love is beyond a beautiful thing, but it ain’t always easy. There will be tough times and times you cannot stand the other person, but when love is genuine it will always win and overcome any obstacles.

Love is patient and kind, love doesn’t envy, love isn’t proud or is it self-seeking. Love isn’t easily angered or does it keep any record of wrong, there is Faith, Love, Hope. And the greatest one of them all is LOVE!!!!! I know in my heart the promise, I know I was meant to LOVE you like I did. I know I am a part of your PURPOSE, I know the things that scare you. And what I learned is you cannot force a selfish/prideful man to wake up, so I finally woke up to realize no matter how much I love you and need you. No matter how much you’ll always mean to me, no matter how painful it is I had to let go.

I know people will probably say oh you been through a lot and love him in truth. Yes, but sometimes enough becomes enough. You cannot make a person change their ways, they have to do that on their own. You could love the hell out of them, and it still won’t be enough unless they welcome it just as much. I know you supported me and encouraged me, prayed for me and uplifted me just like I did you and I know you care. I have seen it in your eyes and the connection, I just said no more games or lies. You cannot love a man and lose yourself in the process, the best part of me I gave was true love and sacrifice. Women even if you know a man is meant to be there, he has to still want to be there.

Reasons a girl needs her father.

Sad part is I once knew men like R.Kelly and I once placed the blame off on my dad for not being there. A girl child needs her father so much that it is ridiculous, a father teaches a girl child what she deserves. I wondered why everyone else had their father, and I couldn’t have mine? I dealt with a lot of neglect and being pushed aside as if I didn’t matter, and that pain caused me to search for a love that never existed and that died back in 1999. I hated that man for years, and I promised I would never cry when he died. Why would I cry for a man that was barely ever there? I don’t know what it is, maybe it is the connection kids share with their parents no matter what due to birth. But I was broken that day the man that help give me life was gone. And I didn’t get the chance to ask him my so many how come? I was 14 when my dad died and here I am at 33, I will never birth a child into this world unless I am sure of the child father. Father’s be there for your kids especially your daughter, be the best good loving role model possible. You are molding her and preparing her, your true love and guidance will be her teacher of what she deserves in a man. I humbly ask that it be good and admirable, lead and guide her properly so she’ll never run into a R. Kelly.

A girl child needs her father for so many reasons so she won’t grow older and search for that void. So she will be stronger in the mind, and know what to stay away from. A father teaches his daughter the proper love, that good Love so she won’t run into the pretender. The pretender that pretend to love her, just to get into her mind and manipulate and control her. A pretender will find a young girl weakness and prey on it, knowing what he wants it to use and control her for his own personal gain. I have learned throughout life, the hurt people hurt people. Some men do it intentionally, and some men do it unintentionally. This is more than enough reason the girl child needs her father, and she needs him to show in action what genuine love is. And when she knows that genuine love, she’ll never accept anything less than the best.

Dear You from me(conversation with God)

I have came to a conclusion here at the ending of 2018, and it took me a while but I got here. I listen to God often and today I heard Him loud and clear, He spoke to me and said my child life is too short to keep holding on to someone that don’t even know your worth. Someone who never took a true chance on getting to know you, someone who made a lot of promises to you and broke every single one without a care. Someone who lied to you, lied on you, and slandered your name in more ways than one. Someone you love(d) dearly and forgave over and over in spite of wrong, someone you respect(ed) and the person broke trust and respect with you. Someone who judged your flaws and you loved him through all of his, someone who taught you so much and brought deep hurt to you at the same time.

Someone who made you feel bad for pointing out the lies told to you, and made you feel like the wrong one for saying how the promises to you weren’t kept. My child you haven’t lost anything, you kept loving in spite of so much wrong. And one day he will see what was lost, he will see the depth of your loyalty. He will see the depth of your love, honor, and respect. He will see how he treated you indifferent and wronged you, shift now my child. I know you been hurting for a while, because you cannot understand how someone you trusted and shared your secrets with would bring you so much pain. Don’t let this linger any more heal completely now and move on to better, you have suffered and you have been kind. You have been loyal and you have loved in truth, you have been forgiving and beyond understanding. Have peace in knowing you have been good, and you have done in action what many denie in words. You have loved with your whole heart, and from the depths of your soul. I know you love him and he knows it too, but you deserve so much more better than what he has given you.

Broken Heart

When you sleep the day away to avoid thinking about the one you Love, and even then the one you Love end up in your dreams. You cannot understand why the LOVE won’t go away, it has been years and you have prayed and cried dear God please take it from my heart and soul. A person who means so much to you and helped save you, challenged you for the better and helped make you a better person. Someone you was beyond loyal to and encouraged through hard times, was there just to listen any time you was needed.

How do you just over look the hurt and pain they caused You? I mean they did nothing in the end but judge you and for what? You watched the one you Love in truth, past the flaws he has and the broken promises he made. You watched him go out his way to get to know others, and judge you without truly knowing you and started to push you away when things got too deep. When outsiders voiced their jealous opinions on your bond, when outsiders started to worry about something that truly didn’t concern them. But you really cannot blame them when he put them their, he cannot make up his mind what he wants from you. One day he is kind to you and the next, he treats you like you are his enemy and for what like what is he struggling with? You are only guilty of loving him genuinely, and wondering what’s up with his negative actions? So many unanswered questions you left with, and now you are stuck. You stuck in love with a man you adore, you know he is meant to be in your life in some kind of a way. You know you need him and deep down inside you feel he care, but you refuse to deal with a indecisive man. One who just has so much to heal from, because when you hurt someone who truly love you and believe in you. And has done nothing but respect and protect you, even in times you didn’t deserve it she still genuinely love you. That’s a loyal friend, a good woman, who really cherish you and you just hurt her because she love you in your opinion just too much. Now she left living with a broken heart, finding ways to survive without the one she truly loves and that ain’t a easy task. But she goes on daily, hoping and praying that with time it gets better.