Sad part is I once knew men like R.Kelly and I once placed the blame off on my dad for not being there. A girl child needs her father so much that it is ridiculous, a father teaches a girl child what she deserves. I wondered why everyone else had their father, and I couldn’t have mine? I dealt with a lot of neglect and being pushed aside as if I didn’t matter, and that pain caused me to search for a love that never existed and that died back in 1999. I hated that man for years, and I promised I would never cry when he died. Why would I cry for a man that was barely ever there? I don’t know what it is, maybe it is the connection kids share with their parents no matter what due to birth. But I was broken that day the man that help give me life was gone. And I didn’t get the chance to ask him my so many how come? I was 14 when my dad died and here I am at 33, I will never birth a child into this world unless I am sure of the child father. Father’s be there for your kids especially your daughter, be the best good loving role model possible. You are molding her and preparing her, your true love and guidance will be her teacher of what she deserves in a man. I humbly ask that it be good and admirable, lead and guide her properly so she’ll never run into a R. Kelly.
A girl child needs her father for so many reasons so she won’t grow older and search for that void. So she will be stronger in the mind, and know what to stay away from. A father teaches his daughter the proper love, that good Love so she won’t run into the pretender. The pretender that pretend to love her, just to get into her mind and manipulate and control her. A pretender will find a young girl weakness and prey on it, knowing what he wants it to use and control her for his own personal gain. I have learned throughout life, the hurt people hurt people. Some men do it intentionally, and some men do it unintentionally. This is more than enough reason the girl child needs her father, and she needs him to show in action what genuine love is. And when she knows that genuine love, she’ll never accept anything less than the best.
I have came to a conclusion here at the ending of 2018, and it took me a while but I got here. I listen to God often and today I heard Him loud and clear, He spoke to me and said my child life is too short to keep holding on to someone that don’t even know your worth. Someone who never took a true chance on getting to know you, someone who made a lot of promises to you and broke every single one without a care. Someone who lied to you, lied on you, and slandered your name in more ways than one. Someone you love(d) dearly and forgave over and over in spite of wrong, someone you respect(ed) and the person broke trust and respect with you. Someone who judged your flaws and you loved him through all of his, someone who taught you so much and brought deep hurt to you at the same time.
Someone who made you feel bad for pointing out the lies told to you, and made you feel like the wrong one for saying how the promises to you weren’t kept. My child you haven’t lost anything, you kept loving in spite of so much wrong. And one day he will see what was lost, he will see the depth of your loyalty. He will see the depth of your love, honor, and respect. He will see how he treated you indifferent and wronged you, shift now my child. I know you been hurting for a while, because you cannot understand how someone you trusted and shared your secrets with would bring you so much pain. Don’t let this linger any more heal completely now and move on to better, you have suffered and you have been kind. You have been loyal and you have loved in truth, you have been forgiving and beyond understanding. Have peace in knowing you have been good, and you have done in action what many denie in words. You have loved with your whole heart, and from the depths of your soul. I know you love him and he knows it too, but you deserve so much more better than what he has given you.
When you sleep the day away to avoid thinking about the one you Love, and even then the one you Love end up in your dreams. You cannot understand why the LOVE won’t go away, it has been years and you have prayed and cried dear God please take it from my heart and soul. A person who means so much to you and helped save you, challenged you for the better and helped make you a better person. Someone you was beyond loyal to and encouraged through hard times, was there just to listen any time you was needed.
How do you just over look the hurt and pain they caused You? I mean they did nothing in the end but judge you and for what? You watched the one you Love in truth, past the flaws he has and the broken promises he made. You watched him go out his way to get to know others, and judge you without truly knowing you and started to push you away when things got too deep. When outsiders voiced their jealous opinions on your bond, when outsiders started to worry about something that truly didn’t concern them. But you really cannot blame them when he put them their, he cannot make up his mind what he wants from you. One day he is kind to you and the next, he treats you like you are his enemy and for what like what is he struggling with? You are only guilty of loving him genuinely, and wondering what’s up with his negative actions? So many unanswered questions you left with, and now you are stuck. You stuck in love with a man you adore, you know he is meant to be in your life in some kind of a way. You know you need him and deep down inside you feel he care, but you refuse to deal with a indecisive man. One who just has so much to heal from, because when you hurt someone who truly love you and believe in you. And has done nothing but respect and protect you, even in times you didn’t deserve it she still genuinely love you. That’s a loyal friend, a good woman, who really cherish you and you just hurt her because she love you in your opinion just too much. Now she left living with a broken heart, finding ways to survive without the one she truly loves and that ain’t a easy task. But she goes on daily, hoping and praying that with time it gets better.
For the last few nights I have been up way past time simply because my mind won’t stop moving. He has been on my mind the good and the bad, wondering what do you do when you understand a person response. But don’t understand their reaction, everything from the last few years are coming back to me. I am reminded of the pain because of him, being anywhere close to him brings up the pain.
Truth is I took time to try to get rid of something that won’t leave, you cannot make anyone see they are supposed to be in your life. You cannot make anyone see the pain they have caused, when they are simply too selfish. I haven’t been the only one to bring this word to life regarding him and it is truth. The most selfish, stubborn, prideful, good, loving, awesome man I have known. Everyone has two sides to them and it is simple hell that I know them both, when you love someone you love through the good and the bad. He took my heart and soul from me, I love him so much it hurts. And I mean that literally it is painful, it is a thought process of why? Why will my heart not let him go, I know the answer is because I am supposed to love him. He is supposed to be in my life I need him to be there so much, that it simply aches every inch of my soul. The love for him gave me reason and helped saved my life, when it simply felt hard to breathe. Even though it hurts so bad, I have to let him go. He don’t deserve this love and he’ll honestly never find one like me, that will be loyal as I have and understanding. No more, I am tired, you cannot win with a prideful and stubborn heart. There is simply nothing else left to give, Dear God please heal. Please restore and rebuild and don’t allow this pain, to be inflicted off on others. Don’t allow not understanding to cause unwanted questions. I am more than worthy to call friend, I am worth it to get to know. I am a good woman who is beautiful and loving, I am a soul with a heart who matters. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am awesome and a good loyal woman. I will have s support system around me, one who shows no jealousy. Ones who don’t gossip, or do horrible backbiting and tearing me down as a human. I will be blessed with family who isn’t blood, that will Love and cherish me through the good and the bad.
I am not afraid to let go anymore of anything or anyone who is toxic, I am not afraid to let go of people who cause me to question my worth and don’t understand my value. I know it is okay to love from a distance, especially if you have tried to exist in peace more than once. It is okay to be free of anyone who hurts you, and has shown you nothing but pain and selfish ways.
Everything still leads back to you and the silence was hurting me. I could lay everything out on the table starting with pain, I could lay the broken shattered heart out too. Them moments when I simply don’t feel like dealing with you, the lies and tears too. I could put it all on the table for you, especially those moments I hated you. You broke promises to me and simply had no remorse at all, you broke trust when you betrayed me more than once. I still hear the words oh you simply love him, and fact is I loved you way past all the flaws. I am that real life story of when love wins, I am that real life story of loving deeply from your soul and heart.. That kind of love that conquers all especially the bad times, that love that over powers the indifference I have endured because of you. Like the more than one occasion of brokenness because of you, the dealing with the after effects of hate, jealousy, and resentment from those that don’t know me.. And it is all because of the jealousy they have when it comes to you, it still hunts me to this day. And it all starts with you and the many words of betrayal spoken by you, I literally have to pray for strength just to get through.
Wondering will the day ever come when my heart and soul is clean, and renewed from the shattered pieces of you. Healing Powers I reach to the Heavens for you, I reach to you for strength, courage, wisdom, and endurance to live. To live my best life without you no longer being there, I learned in the process it isn’t me and all you. You cannot make a person see the good in you and the Love, you cannot make a person receive it either. You cannot make a person open up their broken heart, you cannot make a person stop hurting you. You can simply remove anything toxic, anything that’s not healthy for you. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you, and to let them understand the true depths of your worth. Sometimes you simply have to walk away and no longer deal with them, knowing yes you could rip them a part by letting them know how badly they hurt you. But, that won’t do any good at all for you especially when you genuinely love them. Especially when you would do anything to protect him, even if that means looking like the bad one and living without that genuine I am sorry I know I hurt you.
Dear #Women sometimes you will feel like the wait of the world is on your shoulders, and about 70% of the time it will be behind a selfish man. But never allow the actions of any selfish person to stop your growth, keep going and keep knowing The Highest Power has you protected. Let go of the #hate because it will only block your blessings, and no one is worth your blessings being put on hold. The best way I can put this is make room for #healing , and simply be HEALED!!!!!
I see this so much and at one time I was you getting so lost in loving a man so much, you end up sacrificing yourself. Forgetting about your worth and value, not keeping in mind you are worth so much.. He stops calling and so full of excuses but he says he loves you, he says he cares for you and you are valuable to him. And you are friends, and he will never let anyone come between the two of you. But his words and everything he says shows he truly don’t care about you, or do he value you because if he truly did. He would make sure without excuses, that his actions line up with his words.
He swears it is nothing about you that makes him act indifferent, but he can smile and be extra friendly and go out his way for other women.. But you are the one that supposed to mean so much to him as a person. But yet he treats you as a second option like he is missing something, and showing you he thinks someone else is better than you believe his actions woman. And stop believing his words, that aren’t true and let that man go. Because he don’t deserve that unconditional sacred unwavering love you have for him. He doesn’t deserve the loyalty and the way you watch out for him, because he certainly don’t watch out for you are protect and value your feelings like you do his.
Be healed and know that any man that means what he says will show you in truth. He won’t have no excuses at all and prove he is real, and if he truly want you in his life he will make sure you are there without no doubt. Making it clear that his word is bond, at the end of it all we have our word. And we must learn to value and honor our word in truth. Just be honest all the way around. Because a prideful man is never one you can break women, so don’t even try to. His standards are set so high. That a good woman can be right before him, and his pride will cause him to miss his blessing. God will send you a grateful good man, that will think you are good enough in each way. So until then gaurd and protect your heart and never settle for anything than the best!!!!!
To know you was like a dream and full with many great things. A gift to the universe with a heart so big and pure, one of a kind special and real. A teacher, a friend, a encourager, a listener full with patience and inspiration full of light and love for the world. Called for something greater than you could ever imagine, to know you is a blessing full with truth and one could never understand. What valuable lessons one learned and how empowering it is just to know you.
A woman lost and scorn heart literally clawed at by what she thought was real love. When fact is she didn’t really know love until you a true friend she was to you. The walk of strength and courage full with wisdom, all wrapped up with perfection in you. Created by a higher Power, that left a light so bright in you that even the stars couldn’t outshine you. To know you is to know someone so remarkable, a kind and loving most of all caring soul you are. Who helped a lost soul find her worth, and gain more strength. Who pushed her for the better with encouragement, when she didn’t even believe in herself and the connection/bond. Made her want to be even more stronger, braver, bolder, and truly more courageous!!!! She wanted nothing more than to love you forever, what she saw in you was grace it is what made her care for you deeply she saw your heart of truth.
She saw your heart that’s what she became connected to. She saw the beauty of the Highest Power within you, she saw inspiration and a new smile of happiness in you each day she was in your presence. Her voice became silent as she listened humbly in submission, a woman of respect and courage listening to wisdom… She didn’t want to miss nothing a new lesson learned everytime she heard you speak. She saw a prince a true son of a King, she saw love and someone Highly Favored! What she saw in you was some thing incredible and unshakable, cannot be created twice one of kind you are and forever will be. To know You what a honor she is for ever grateful, to know you is a blessing one she will cherish a kind heart with a gentle and giving spirit.