Today I woke up feeling lost and confused like my mind was just empty. It’s not depression or anxiety I simply feel like an empty brain and truly unhappy, not happy at all and the struggle is most definitely real and the tears kicked in. I’m at a miserable state of anger in my life, angry that I’m suffering with so much in my body and mind. Angry at men all of them that has come into my life, and when I say all of them I genuinely mean that. Because somewhere starting from my daddy every man has failed me in some way. And it’s like I pray to release them, and sometimes I wonder if I just be talking to the air? Because mentally, spiritually, emotionally I end right back up in the same ocean of failure as if I’m drowning and it’s suffocating.

I want a happy life with whatever life I have left and yet the way the raggedy system is set up. The system and everything else makes it harder, even when you try to do things as an entrepreneur etc it’s hard. Because of the lack of support, or people feeling like I’m not about to support her based off their judgement. Or simply because they know someone else that makes what you make 🙄 literally I can make just about anything. If I see someone has made something cuter, and something I like I’m going to get it if I can regardless of if I can make it aren’t. I do it to support others, just like people go to different locations of McDonald’s and purchase and they have the same menu.

I also simply don’t know if I’ll ever step foot into a church again. Not just because of one person either I was genuinely hurt in many ways, disloyalty, lies, betrayal, gossiping, slander and bullying. All because I simply loved too much that was the source of the whole problem, and yet I didn’t get there by myself. Something’s one person done on purpose and know it. The apologies I deserve, and the please forgive them I deserve yeah so no I just don’t know. Woke up heavier and it’s like everything, is just becoming an overload and I’m simply so tired of fighting everything. From the system, to the lack of moral support.