Truth is I love hard and I love with everything in me. I love so much that sometimes I’m left with nothing, I’m left with nothing but scars and open wounds that I’m left to heal and do my best to conquer to the best of my ability to not allow the trauma left to destroy me or break me.
I want so badly to understand why my soul isn’t seen? Why am I looked at like I’m not good enough, because of the visible flaw I was born with without a say. I didn’t ask to be born like this, and yet I’m here and only have this one life to live. And want so badly to have one to call my own, one who will love me as much as I love him. One who will cater to me, and take care of me and make sure I’m safe and okay. Not one who will flirt with me, lead me on and then leave me damaged mad at me for the mess he started.
I want the hugs, the love soul to soul and man that will treat me like a Queen & see I am perfectly fine just the way I am. One that won’t push me away, when he feels like I’m too close or use me for the moment just to get by. I don’t want the one that will allow any other human to get in the way, I don’t want the man that break promises and leave me with a broken heart. And the main Question of what makes her better? I don’t want the one who was all I had at one moment, who was my safe place on Earth and second to God my everything. I don’t want the one who stop praying for me, who left me without breathe the day he turned on me. SIMPLY BECAUSE I LOVED TOO MUCH!!! I want the man who will adore me, cherish me, take my heart& protect it and the one that cannot live without me.
Every single day I have to find a way to breathe without you. Every day I have to pray double without you, I swear tears are rolling down my face. I needed you, I cherished you, I believed in you and yet daily the question hunt me of why was I not good enough? So many say Ebony move on get over it, or why you love him so much even after the betrayal. I say to those people you don’t understand LOVE & I know he was influenced a lot. I know his struggles in many areas, and I know what he hurts from so I really cannot blame him. I can only pray the best for him, and that God heals every area of his life& set him free from all things that aren’t like God. I know I have to live on without him(not my choice) that’s my eternal love. That’s my soulmate(I know without doubt) and yet I understand sometimes you just won’t end up with the one you love& adore. And it’s not okay, but you simply cannot make anyone change there mind.
Imagine what the world of love would be like if people started seeing souls. Instead of is she pretty enough? Or is she good enough? Imagine what it would be like if people lost their pride/controlling/selfish ways. Imagine if people who knew how much a person loved them, and would allow that love into their heart and received it to let love win. Imagine if he would see truth& realized just how much I am worth, and how much I feel he is worth and yet at this moment it’s this truth. That cause me to look forward, with hope& faith that a ready man for everything I spoke of will find me soon & is ready to be loved. My second love I’ll wait for& hope he finds me soon. It’s like when a widow has to start over and give love another chance, but know she’ll never love the same again.
ladyebonyl 